Hindsight
by TORMENTEDpixie
Summary: I had a fantastic boyfriend, more friends than I could count, family that adored me and a life worth living. But I had to mess that up didn’t I, but as they say hindsight is 20/20
1. Chapter 1

Bella POV

I fucked up.

_I fucked up bad_. My life as I know it is ruined and guess what, it's my fault.

It's all MY fault. It could have been stopped and yet I caused the demise of so many people.

I had a fantastic boyfriend, more friends than I could count, family that adored me and a life worth I had to mess that up didn't I?

It's funny really, how a few decisions can irrevocably change your life and the lives of the people around recipe for disaster; A rumor, a drunken fuck, an accident, a text and me. I'm not making much sense I suppose, maybe I should start at the beginning, way at the start, before this cluster-fuck was created.

……………………………….........1 year earlier………………….......................

"Nooo Jake put me down! Now Jake I mean it! please, you know I don't like it when I can't see, what are you doing!" I giggled as Jake stopped in his tracks and I nearly fell from his shoulder.

I gingerly opened my eyes to reveal the ocean below me, I instantly recoiled into Jake's neck."I won't throw you I promise. come on Bells, open those eyes for me, please." Jake chuckled as he lowered me to the rocky ground.

When I was safely on the ground and I had removed my vice grip from Jake's neck, I finally looked out to the was truly magnificent. the horizon was painted in deep pinks and oranges. It was a rare clear night in Forks.

"Well what do ya think?" Jake questioned, his deep eyes looked down at me with so much adoration that it brought tears to my eyes. "Aww, Babe, I knew you didn't like heights but I thought you would enjoy the view, I'm sorry, please don't cry." He looked soo sad that I just wanted to comfort him.

"I…. I'm not sad" I sniffed to stop my nose from running and blinked a few times to clear my eyes. *sniff* "I just love you so much. the view's perfect," I declared tearfully as I lean up to plant a resounding kiss on his luscious lips.

It quickly escalated to a steamy make out session and I felt that familiar fire building. I moaned into his mouth wishing he would just take me, here and now, against the sunset. He grunted and I could feel his member pressing into my stomach, hard and ready. He lifted my hips and backed me up against a tree, the damp moss protecting me from the rough bark of the trunk.

As he pressed harder into me, trying to gain some of the friction we both needed he growled into my ear, "I want to fuck you against this tree and make you scream my name."

I moaned and grasped his rock hard cock through his jeans "Ungh, Baby please come on, fuck me, no one will hear all the way out here." I nipped at his ear making him grind roughly against my core making me cry out in intense pleasure.

He shoved his hand under my skirt and pushed his way past my underwear, he was just about to insert his fingers into my slick folds when rustling and a thump came from the trees.

"Who's there?" Jake called out, anger marring his tone, he didn't like being cock-blocked, neither did I.

He dropped me from his waist and let out a huff all while rearranging his pants, "Seriously, if you don't get your fucking ass out here I'm coming in there!" He shouted just as a bear of a kid emerged from the tree line, he to be about our age and just as big as Jake, even bigger maybe.

"Whoa, calm your beans dude. No harm." he said,

"What the fuck were you doing lurking in the trees huh?" Jake asked him questioningly.

"Hey, I wasn't lurking. I was running as a matter of a fact; gotta keep fit. Chicks love it. I'm Emmett, Emmett McCarty. I just moved here, just got out of military school. You are?"

"Jake."

"Okies then, will I be seeing you around some time then?"

I stepped forward, from behind Jake " yeah, okay then, I'm Bella by the way, Bella Swan. Are you going to Forks High?" I asked trying not to appear as if I had just been pounded against a tree.

"Heeeey Bella ella ella, ermm I think so. I'm not sure if they are gonna accept me, with my track record and all, that shit sticks," he said letting out a laugh.

I liked him, he had mischievous eyes.

"We'll probably see you around then, yeah?"

"Yeah probably, I gotta go though. I'm a long way from home and I better get running before I get my ass kicked by your big ole Indian boyfriend over there for interrupting your little session. See ya later dude _and you my lady," _ He laughed and bowed at the waist before jogging off into the woods.

"I like him, he seems cool." I implored Jake.

"Well I don't; he seems like a cocky douche," he huffed.

"I bet he isn't as cocky as you though," I said as I gripped his still semi hard cock through his trousers. He growled and lifted me up against the tree and started to explore my mouth with his tongue.


	2. Chapter 2

BPOV

On the way back to the truck Jake was telling me about a horse he wanted to buy He's really into his horses and bikes. He loves going fast; so do I.

"It's great Bella, you should see how it moves. I can't believe Sam found it. You want to go take a look at it with me?" Jake asked me with enthusiasm evident in his voice.

"Jake, I've told you before I don't like going to Sam's. He freaks me out. He never did like me after all the shit that happened with Amy."

"He told you he doesn't hold a grudge and it wasn't your fault he was charged with it."

"But it was my fault. I told my dad and he knows that. So does Amy; that's why she doesn't talk to me anymore" I stated as I thought back to the fiasco that had ensued with Sam and Amy.

…………………………Flashback………………………

Amy came rushing into my bedroom and jumped onto my bed and into my lap. She was crying hysterically.

"Oh my God Bella, what am I going to do? I can't handle this and Sam won't be happy. He wants to join the army and he can't now, all because _it_ broke" Amy wept as she held onto me.

"What happened? did he hurt you? start from the beginning, its okay. I've got you, its okay" I soothed her as her sob's quieted down to hiccups.

"Sam was going away for his first week of training so we went out by the lake in his truck. We had sex and t…the c…c…condom broke. I think I might be" She sniffed "pregnant. I wouldn't dare tell him or my Mom. You're all I have" She sniffed again into my shoulder.

I expected it, we all did but it still shocked me. Both Amy and Sam had a bit of a reputation around here. But she was my best friend and I had to stick by her.

"It's okay, it's gonna be okay. Have you done a test?" She shook her head.

"Okay then we'll go get a test, yeah?" "Okay but how are we going to get one without people finding out?" After contemplating for a while I decided to call Seth, he worked at the drug store part time.

"Seth?"

"Yeah Bella, its me, what's up? but be quick I'm on my shift"

"Oh great, would you be able to do me a big, big favor? I need a pregnancy test"

"Oh………..erm….er.. Who…. Whose is it?"

"Seth stop being an idiot. It's not for me and you don't need to be worried, I'm on the pill"

"Ohh it's Amy, I will bring one over during my lunch break okay? love ya"

"Thanks Seth, love you too" I disconnected the call and told Amy that Seth was bringing the test later.

Twenty minutes later Seth arrived "Hey Bells, how is she? should I come in or not?"

"No it's fine. Thanks by the way" I said as I reached up for a peck on the lips, I didn't let it get heated though.

..When she finally took the test we were both relieved that it came back negative. A

y went home a while later. When my parents came back from work my Mom, Renee, went to clean up in my bathroom when I heard her start screaming my name.

"Isabella Marie Swan get your ass in this bedroom NOW!"

"Shit" I exclaimed under my breath. If she was swearing it was _bad_.

When I reached my bedroom she was livid, holding the pregnancy test box.

"What the hell is this? wait, no, I already know. You told me that you and Seth weren't at that stage yet. How could you lie to me!" she shouted at me.

Thank God Dad was out with his friend Billy.

"mom, It's not what it looks like. Seth and I aren't sleeping together" It hurt a little to lie to my mom so I told her all the whole story about Sam and Amy.

That night when Dad came in from fishing Mom must have told him.

Amy was only 15 but Sam was a year older, 16, so he was at the age of consent. He was charged with rape; they both swore that she had consented but the judge wasn't having any of it. So Sam was charged with statutory rape. Although he got off lightly, his army career was down the drain, and so was his relationship with Amy. Amy also stopped talking to me, she blamed me for all of it, so did whenever I was near Sam I always got the feeling that he still blamed me. Jake doesn't, but I do.

……………………………….......End of Flashback………………………………...

Jake was _still _talking about Sam and the horse.

"How about we go on the bikes instead? you know you can't afford the horse. How's that sound?" I asked as we neared his truck.

"Yeah your right. When do you want to go riding? We can't go tomorrow, you're at school. How about skipping? Then we can have some fun while your parentage out?" He whispered the last part against my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"You know I can't miss anymore school, if I lose anymore days they are gonna call my parents and then no more sneaking off into the woods" my attendance was really bad and no matter how much I wanted to stay at home with Jake, I couldn't. Plus, I wanted to see if that Emmett kid came. He would cause a stir; Fresh meat.

"Urgh" Jake groaned "You just love tormenting me don't you. But I suppose one of us has to go to school, better you than me"

Once we were back at Jake's house, he called Seth to see if he was coming over for some cliff diving later on. I'm sure Seth only accepted so he could see me in a wet shirt but he would be careful with the ogling. If Jake caught him there would be trouble. Even though he knew about our previous relationship and knew that there was nothing else between us anymore it still bothered him; He got really overprotective sometimes.

Seth accepted the invite and I decided to order some pizza for all of us. Seth and Jake could eat like pigs sometimes but they were still as toned as ever. I wish I knew how they did it.

* * *

_**And a big ole shout out to my amazing beta rubiesymusica who keeps me on track.**_

_**And if there is anyone reading this story, show me some love and support and hit that little butting, even if its for a smiley/ frowning face. **_


	3. Chapter 3

BPOV  
My alarm blared in my ear waking me from a fantastic dream.  
I hate school days, the monotony of it was torture, the food was terrible and the teachers needed shooting. The perk however would be my Jake, he made it bearable. If I ever got too frustrated or just couldn't deal with the crap of the day he would come pick me up and I would skip.  
I smacked at the still blaring clock to 'knock it off', rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom The glow in the dark stars from my early childhood were still clinging on; they need to go I thought to myself, I'm far too old for them and Jake thought they were stupid.

I flung the covers off my legs and jumped out of bed onto the cold wood floor, swaying on my feet slightly I wobbled over to the bathroom for a shower. When I looked in the mirror I knew I looked like shit; cliff diving yesterday had really taken it out of me. When I had finally rolled in, I was soaking wet and just threw my clothes off and climbed into bed. My hair now was like a bird's nest and my face was a sickly looking white.  
I groaned and climbed into the steaming shower, the scalding water blasting the sore muscles in my neck. I scrubbed my body and washed my hair and after I had suitably cleaned off, I climbed out to get a towel.

I dried off and grabbed my Paramore shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. Throwing them on, I went to my mirror and to blow dry my hair to get it ready to straighten it. I grab the straightener, I quickly pulled it through and then started on the back-combing.  
"Now what bow to use? The pink one or the blue polka dot one. _Hmmm_. Maybe the blue one! That is if I can find it; where are you bow?" I called out as I searched all over the table top and around the bedroom floor,  
"Finally. I've found you, ha!" I exclaimed as I placed the bow in my suitably teased hair.  
Grabbing my Converse from the bottom of my closet I ran down the stairs and grabbed a Pop Tart, ripping off the packaging and shoving it in my mouth. I grabbed my phone to answer a text from Jake.

I jumped into my car and sped of off to school, still munching the Pop Tart. I stopped and picked up a coffee on the way; I can't start the day without a coffee.  
As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a huge Hummer in the space I usually parked. _No one parked in my spac_e. I was pissed now; whoever parked in my place spot was gonna pay. I pulled up into the place next to the beast of a SUV and glared at the driver whose face was obscured by a halo of dark hair.  
I leapt out of my car and banged on the window.  
"Yes?" A tiny girl about my age said as she peered down through the open window.  
"Who the fuck are you and why are you in my parking space?" I exclaimed.  
"Erm, I'm Alice, Alice McCarty, I just moved here with my brother and you Missy need to back off. You don't own this space and it clearly doesn't have your name on it, so BACK OFF!" she said as her voice rose a few octaves.  
"Eurggh, you bitch, tomorrow I don't want to see you in my space okay? Otherwise there will be trouble, _capiche_?"  
"Go fuck yourself Emo bitch, I will park how I want and where I damn well please, _capiche?_" She sneered the last word in my face.  
"Its; on. I suggest you watch yourself pixie!" I declared as the bell rang and we all flooded into the school.

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As I squeezed into my seat for the last class of the day, I contemplated the day I'd had. First off I felt like shit, I'm hungry and then that McCarty bitch had to go and park in my space, way to undermine me.  
"Hey Bella, what are you doing tonight?" Shouted Mike Newton the resident fuck called over.  
"Don't know, why?" I really couldn't be bothered with him today.  
"The new kid, Emmett, is throwing a party in the woods and I wondered if you were going. I need some weed from your boyfriend"  
"Emmett? The big kid? And yeah yeah, just talk to him about that shit, not me"  
"Okay and have you seen that kid? I'm sure he's on 'roids, either that, or he's mutant!"  
"Mike, just because not everyone is a twig like you doesn't mean they are mutants and he isn't on steroids as far as I know. He just got out of military school so he's probably just worked out a lot"  
"Wait, you know him?"  
"Yeah, I talked to him in the woods. I was there with Jake"  
"In the woods?" His eyebrows raised with every word.  
"Yeah, in the woods. Now go, shoo, I have work to do and Mr Varner is eyeing you. So, shoo now!"

Mike slinked away as I tried to find the internal angle of this god damned triangle, like seriously who needs to know the angle of a fucking triangle?  
I gave up on the triangle and decided to text Jake about the party tonight

Hey are you going to the party tonight? -B

Whose party? -J

Emmett's, he is having a one tonight in the woods. Are you going? -B

I might, anyone want anything? -J

Erm Mike wants some weed, he said he will get some for the party so we might as well go -B

Okay then, see you tonight -J

The end of day last bell finally rang and we all scrambled out of our seats. Mr. Varner shouted about some homework on page whatever but like hell if I was doing that shit.  
Walking to the parking lot I realized that the Alice girls; SUV had left. _Stupid bitch_, she didn't know what she had coming. I wondered what Emmett drove, probably some big truck; I would expect him to drive a Hummer and the little bitch to drive a little sports car. _What was that Emmett dude's name? _Well I don't know, I suppose I will find out tonight.  
Climbing into my car and speeding off I drove in to the Thriftway parking lot to get some vodka. Browsing through the selection comma I grabbed a few bottles of Grey Goose and took them to the cash register. The cashier is a friend of mine so I got off with buying it underage.  
Hiding it them in the glove box, I started the car and set off for home.

* * *

Shout out to my amazing beta rubiesymusica


	4. ATTENTION!

Okay, im really really sorry to do this but i know your out there reading this and thinking something about it, weather it be:

_**OMG this story is absolutely crapp but i must read on to see how bad she makes it.**_

_**This story is okay but not great.**_

_**This story is actually quite good.**_

_**This story is great.**_

_**OMG this story is fantastic.**_

And as you will feel something along the lines of what is stated above so the next chapter will not be posted untill i have 5 reviews, 5 thats all i ask.

so please please drop a comment


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